Tonight, as I took a shower, to try to cool off from my chemo, steroids, and other cocktail of IV fluids of yesterday, and my neulasta shot today, I experienced, as I have a few times, the sensation, even after shaving the little stubble on top of my head, of needing to reach back and finish rinsing the rest of my hair. I even got out and dried my baldness and thought about needing to grab my brush...I haven't had hair on my head now for a good month, but some things just don't seem to change.
I thought for a moment the experience might catch in my throat and it would make me cry, but the tears never came. There are days when I do feel the breeze across my scalp and I think to myself that I want to pull out the ponytail. Then I realize there is no ponytail back there and run my hand across the scalp that used to have such a good mane. I know it will come back at some point, and I may even have a different color or texture. It will be interesting to see.
So, as I sit here tonight, boys falling asleep on the two couches, both having long and wonderful days, and accepting the baldness though they may not want it, I feel the cool breeze again, drifting across my scalp, and consider myself so lucky to still be here, sitting here, looking at my boys, knowing my little girl is tucked into bed, now sleeping after playing her glow worm's music over and over, and am hopeful for more evenings like this.
I thought for a moment the experience might catch in my throat and it would make me cry, but the tears never came. There are days when I do feel the breeze across my scalp and I think to myself that I want to pull out the ponytail. Then I realize there is no ponytail back there and run my hand across the scalp that used to have such a good mane. I know it will come back at some point, and I may even have a different color or texture. It will be interesting to see.
So, as I sit here tonight, boys falling asleep on the two couches, both having long and wonderful days, and accepting the baldness though they may not want it, I feel the cool breeze again, drifting across my scalp, and consider myself so lucky to still be here, sitting here, looking at my boys, knowing my little girl is tucked into bed, now sleeping after playing her glow worm's music over and over, and am hopeful for more evenings like this.
Beautiful post!
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