I've never been so grateful....

I can't believe the outpouring of friends' wishes and prayers since I posted a message to them about this upcoming biopsy. I thank God everyday for the friends and family he has blessed me with.

I'm really trying to keep my head up and not stress too much, but at least with my first two biopsies, I had them scheduled for the very next day after my mammogram. This time I have to sit and wait, start a new job in the meantime, and hope all are understanding of the day I need off after just beginning to train.

I can't believe I am going through this again...and gathering web information is no help...I have a lump that needs to be biopsied...WHAT THE HELL???? I don't understand!!!!! Will there ever be a point at which I can look back and say, "whew....so glad THAT'S all done" ??

Well, the 5K has been run....ok, walked/run...I can't imagine having been able to do it without the support of my husband. What an amazing man. Last year I was barely able to walk the 1.5, and at that point, watching all the athletes, family, friends, and survivors run and walk in the 5K I decided to make it my goal for this year's Komen Race. I finished, and that is all I cared about this year. So the question is do I make a new goal for next year and try to improve my time or do I just keep doing what I'm doing and go about the 5K next year at whatever pace I choose, or do I just sit back and enjoy the Survivor's breakfast and cheer on everyone else?

I suppose I don't have to answer these questions right now, but I do like the fact that I COULD improve my time. Now I have a year to really focus and work at it, but do I really want to? I'm just happy to have reached yet another goal and proud of myself for completing something. So, who knows....We all have to wait to find out.

Thank you, Bryan, for your constant encouragement. This past year and a half would have been next to impossible to get through as easily if you had not been here carrying me when I was tired, encouraging me when my spirit was down, and pushing me harder when I just wanted to quit. You are one of the strongest men I know, and I love you with all my heart!

A year ago...

I was about half way through my chemotherapy treatments. They ended the last week of June 2009, and I knew it would be a long road to the recovery I was going to undego, but all this time later I am ready to feel whole and better. I certainly celebrate the one or two days a week I have where there is perfect clarity of mind and my body feels great, but the other days I feel like just the shell of a body, and I don't want to be in it.

There are new possibilities on my horizon with my passing my EMT State Exam and posting to job listings, not to mention classes I am signed up for in the Fall, but there are still days, when I am feeling at my worst, that I wonder what I am still doing here, if all I get is to feel like crap. It is a low place to be, I know, but not easy to jump out of, and I feel myself floundering.........

Well, now, it has been much too long since I posted last. Life has once again taken off in full and I am back in the swing of everything. Just goes to show that life slows for no one and it is up to each of us to be a part of the chaos or sit back and be a spectator. Once and I while I NEED to just sit back and watch it all happen in front of me, but I typically choose to be involved and a part of it all.
In the Fall, I finished another semester of classes and am mostly pleased with my results. I am on the one year plan with my plastic surgeon ( don't have to see him until next November), am on the three month plan with my oncologist, and so far all is clear and I'm doing well.
I've begun going to the gym more faithfully and have a goal in mind. I want to run the 5K (well, ok, mostly jog) at the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this coming June. I will be by my husband's side, the most encouraging and supportive man I could imagine loving, and though the first day of training has me hurting in places I never imagined, I look forward to the end result of begin able to cross the finish line with my head held high as an almost 18 month survivor at that point. It was a goal I told myself I wanted to go after when I watched many survivors running the 5K last year, my first year attending the Race for the Cure. How much more remarkable a feat and a way to celebrate the miracle and blessing of still being alive than to run for life with the life I still have.
This past weekend, the end of January 2010, brought a few anniversaries that brought many mixed emotions. The first was of my first and last mammogram.......WHEW!!! Glad those are over with! Next came the very next day with the anniversary of my two biopsies. Two days later, the night before my birthday, the anniversary of "the phone call". It was only good phone calls this time, and the pizza party redo was sooooo outstanding!!!
I AM A ONE YEAR SURVIVOR!!!!! Some days it is still so hard to believe the reality of this whole past year. Then again, there are daily reminders that I cannot escape, and I am pulled into the present again.

Through it all, I thank God for all the blessings, look at my family, my children, and realize how lucky I am, what miracles I have in this life, no matter what obstacles may come my way. Thank you Lord for your constant grace and mercy.