This has to be one of the most horrific trials in my life. I never knew how low I would feel, but the fear of being gone, not knowing if my surgery has really gotten rid of everything has tested my faith beyond what I ever believed. I hang on, white knuckling the moments I can, but realize I have to let go and trust that I am in good hands. I want to be where I am supposed to be in this life I have been given. I only continue to hope and pray that I am meant to be here for a much longer period...there is too much I haven't seen, haven't done, and my kids are my life...I am NOT ready to be gone. Lord, just hold me in your hands and do with my life as you see fit. These are my moments of fear, learning to face the truth...
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