I can't believe the outpouring of friends' wishes and prayers since I posted a message to them about this upcoming biopsy. I thank God everyday for the friends and family he has blessed me with.
I'm really trying to keep my head up and not stress too much, but at least with my first two biopsies, I had them scheduled for the very next day after my mammogram. This time I have to sit and wait, start a new job in the meantime, and hope all are understanding of the day I need off after just beginning to train.
Friday, October 1, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
Well, the 5K has been run....ok, walked/run...I can't imagine having been able to do it without the support of my husband. What an amazing man. Last year I was barely able to walk the 1.5, and at that point, watching all the athletes, family, friends, and survivors run and walk in the 5K I decided to make it my goal for this year's Komen Race. I finished, and that is all I cared about this year. So the question is do I make a new goal for next year and try to improve my time or do I just keep doing what I'm doing and go about the 5K next year at whatever pace I choose, or do I just sit back and enjoy the Survivor's breakfast and cheer on everyone else?
I suppose I don't have to answer these questions right now, but I do like the fact that I COULD improve my time. Now I have a year to really focus and work at it, but do I really want to? I'm just happy to have reached yet another goal and proud of myself for completing something. So, who knows....We all have to wait to find out.
Thank you, Bryan, for your constant encouragement. This past year and a half would have been next to impossible to get through as easily if you had not been here carrying me when I was tired, encouraging me when my spirit was down, and pushing me harder when I just wanted to quit. You are one of the strongest men I know, and I love you with all my heart!
Friday, May 21, 2010
A year ago...
I was about half way through my chemotherapy treatments. They ended the last week of June 2009, and I knew it would be a long road to the recovery I was going to undego, but all this time later I am ready to feel whole and better. I certainly celebrate the one or two days a week I have where there is perfect clarity of mind and my body feels great, but the other days I feel like just the shell of a body, and I don't want to be in it.
There are new possibilities on my horizon with my passing my EMT State Exam and posting to job listings, not to mention classes I am signed up for in the Fall, but there are still days, when I am feeling at my worst, that I wonder what I am still doing here, if all I get is to feel like crap. It is a low place to be, I know, but not easy to jump out of, and I feel myself floundering.........
There are new possibilities on my horizon with my passing my EMT State Exam and posting to job listings, not to mention classes I am signed up for in the Fall, but there are still days, when I am feeling at my worst, that I wonder what I am still doing here, if all I get is to feel like crap. It is a low place to be, I know, but not easy to jump out of, and I feel myself floundering.........
Monday, February 1, 2010
Well, now, it has been much too long since I posted last. Life has once again taken off in full and I am back in the swing of everything. Just goes to show that life slows for no one and it is up to each of us to be a part of the chaos or sit back and be a spectator. Once and I while I NEED to just sit back and watch it all happen in front of me, but I typically choose to be involved and a part of it all.
In the Fall, I finished another semester of classes and am mostly pleased with my results. I am on the one year plan with my plastic surgeon ( don't have to see him until next November), am on the three month plan with my oncologist, and so far all is clear and I'm doing well.
I've begun going to the gym more faithfully and have a goal in mind. I want to run the 5K (well, ok, mostly jog) at the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this coming June. I will be by my husband's side, the most encouraging and supportive man I could imagine loving, and though the first day of training has me hurting in places I never imagined, I look forward to the end result of begin able to cross the finish line with my head held high as an almost 18 month survivor at that point. It was a goal I told myself I wanted to go after when I watched many survivors running the 5K last year, my first year attending the Race for the Cure. How much more remarkable a feat and a way to celebrate the miracle and blessing of still being alive than to run for life with the life I still have.
This past weekend, the end of January 2010, brought a few anniversaries that brought many mixed emotions. The first was of my first and last mammogram.......WHEW!!! Glad those are over with! Next came the very next day with the anniversary of my two biopsies. Two days later, the night before my birthday, the anniversary of "the phone call". It was only good phone calls this time, and the pizza party redo was sooooo outstanding!!!
I AM A ONE YEAR SURVIVOR!!!!! Some days it is still so hard to believe the reality of this whole past year. Then again, there are daily reminders that I cannot escape, and I am pulled into the present again.
Through it all, I thank God for all the blessings, look at my family, my children, and realize how lucky I am, what miracles I have in this life, no matter what obstacles may come my way. Thank you Lord for your constant grace and mercy.
In the Fall, I finished another semester of classes and am mostly pleased with my results. I am on the one year plan with my plastic surgeon ( don't have to see him until next November), am on the three month plan with my oncologist, and so far all is clear and I'm doing well.
I've begun going to the gym more faithfully and have a goal in mind. I want to run the 5K (well, ok, mostly jog) at the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure this coming June. I will be by my husband's side, the most encouraging and supportive man I could imagine loving, and though the first day of training has me hurting in places I never imagined, I look forward to the end result of begin able to cross the finish line with my head held high as an almost 18 month survivor at that point. It was a goal I told myself I wanted to go after when I watched many survivors running the 5K last year, my first year attending the Race for the Cure. How much more remarkable a feat and a way to celebrate the miracle and blessing of still being alive than to run for life with the life I still have.
This past weekend, the end of January 2010, brought a few anniversaries that brought many mixed emotions. The first was of my first and last mammogram.......WHEW!!! Glad those are over with! Next came the very next day with the anniversary of my two biopsies. Two days later, the night before my birthday, the anniversary of "the phone call". It was only good phone calls this time, and the pizza party redo was sooooo outstanding!!!
I AM A ONE YEAR SURVIVOR!!!!! Some days it is still so hard to believe the reality of this whole past year. Then again, there are daily reminders that I cannot escape, and I am pulled into the present again.
Through it all, I thank God for all the blessings, look at my family, my children, and realize how lucky I am, what miracles I have in this life, no matter what obstacles may come my way. Thank you Lord for your constant grace and mercy.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Well, I had my final appointment with my breast cancer surgeon, WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING as well as outstanding doctor. He is, as he called himself, my "replacement for my yearly mammograms". I just smiled at him when he said that and reminded him that I am very efficient like that....My first mammogram was my last mammogram, and NEVER ANOTHER, so I am happy to replace it with seeing him each year.
He is happy with the results of my healing and final surgery, as well as the range of motion I am back to. Yep, the arms are in full swing and that's not necessarily easy for all breast surgery patients who go through this type of surgery.
Tomorrow I have my follow up with my oncologist and find out how my blood count is looking and what my schedule with seeing him looks like. Most likely every three to six months....stay tuned..........
He is happy with the results of my healing and final surgery, as well as the range of motion I am back to. Yep, the arms are in full swing and that's not necessarily easy for all breast surgery patients who go through this type of surgery.
Tomorrow I have my follow up with my oncologist and find out how my blood count is looking and what my schedule with seeing him looks like. Most likely every three to six months....stay tuned..........
Monday, September 7, 2009
Catching up...
Wow! It has been a while, hasn't it? Here I am, sitting and relaxing on this fine, quiet Labor Day and twisting uncomfortably in my sports bra that MUST be worn for another 2 weeks (minus the shower time and perhaps an hour in the evening to catch a breather from it), and I realize that I have created not one blog about my final surgery.
I HAVE MY FOOBS! I know, funny name, but it is comic relief to help get through the moments of tragedy, sadness, renewal, and trying to adjust to a new shape....well the shape of me is ever changing and in need of more work, but that will only come once I can really get back to the grindstone of working out. For now I must take it easy to let my body recouperate and heal after my latest surgery.
August 12 was the day. Up early, daughter to daycare a bit earlier than normal, and off to the surgical center. It all seemed so uneventful, very different from my first surgery...the bilateral mastectomy. That time it was a deep, painful IV in my wrist, nerves from hell trying to prepare for two rather large parts of my body being removed, trying to make eye contact with ANYONE at the hospital who would give me the look that all would be ok, it wouldn't last long, I would wake up and be just fine......wishful thinking....medical providers are trained not to let things, or patients, get to them. This time, though, I only had a few people to talk to before going to the OR, and this time I walked on my own into the room. There was no wheeling me on some big bed, banging into wall corners....nope...I met my OR nurse who spoke so sweetly, and not the fake sweet, then walked with me, linking arms with me, right into the OR where I was introduced to the OR tech. My anesthesiologist was there a moment later ( I had met and spoken with him a little earlier) and put the IV in a NORMAL part of my arm. And something new, I did not need to have an air tube inserted. I was able to breathe on my own through my surgery, as these providers tend to like it this way in shorter surgeries to monitor how a patient is doing. I LIKED THAT. Breathing tubes only cause sore throats on top of everything else from surgery, and this time I only had dry mouth from the oxygen that was somewhere near my nose and mouth.
An hour and a half and I was done. I woke up in a curtained recovery area where I stayed for a short while, trying to get my bearings. I got dressed and sat in the chair next to the bed, sipped a little apple juice and was then treated to crackers and a raspberry popsicle. Within about and hour and a half after my surgery was complete, I was able to go home. I don't remember the ride home so much, except my husband telling me about the Farmer's Market we were passing by, but then I was stretched out on the couch where I stayed for just a few short days.
This time there were no drains to pull out, to measure, to record. I had my chest wrapped with a large ace bandage that covered the incisions, so I couldn't see much, but within just two days of surgery the ace came off and it was strictly home care from then on.
Now, four weeks later, I sit here, a better size, and healthier than I was at the beginning of this year, and I CAN'T WAIT to get out of this thing. I got spoiled not having to wear a bra after my first surgery but for the past 4 weeks I've been couped up in this thing.....UGH!
I'm reminded of how I used to feel about women I would see wondering around town or campus my first time 'round in college, and I thought...ewww, gross. Of course, I wouldn't the girls to hang so freely if I was still so large as I was just a few months ago. But NOW....I don't like the confining feeling. Maybe it's just the issue of the sports bra. I hope it's not being ungrateful for the new lease on life I have been given and the need I have to take new care of the "new girls", my foobs, but I don't think so.
So yes, I have had my final surgery, may have to go back in only for a cosmetic "retouch", but I'm done. There are times I sit here and wonder if I am going to get used to the twinges or if I am going to grow out of them. Phantom pain? Perhaps. Nerves trying to figure out what the hell has been going on? Yeah, probably. Sometimes I think maybe I would have been better without all the reconstruction, but then again, I can't imagine what it would have been like going from very large to flat in one fell swoop. Yeah, there are prosthetics, but I don't think I could handle all that for myself. I applaud women at every stage and admire the will to fight and go on and do what they do, what we do, to make life normal again. Afterall, life changed drastically with one diagnosis, and all that followed has just been a means to get back to something resembling health and familiarity of life.
I HAVE MY FOOBS! I know, funny name, but it is comic relief to help get through the moments of tragedy, sadness, renewal, and trying to adjust to a new shape....well the shape of me is ever changing and in need of more work, but that will only come once I can really get back to the grindstone of working out. For now I must take it easy to let my body recouperate and heal after my latest surgery.
August 12 was the day. Up early, daughter to daycare a bit earlier than normal, and off to the surgical center. It all seemed so uneventful, very different from my first surgery...the bilateral mastectomy. That time it was a deep, painful IV in my wrist, nerves from hell trying to prepare for two rather large parts of my body being removed, trying to make eye contact with ANYONE at the hospital who would give me the look that all would be ok, it wouldn't last long, I would wake up and be just fine......wishful thinking....medical providers are trained not to let things, or patients, get to them. This time, though, I only had a few people to talk to before going to the OR, and this time I walked on my own into the room. There was no wheeling me on some big bed, banging into wall corners....nope...I met my OR nurse who spoke so sweetly, and not the fake sweet, then walked with me, linking arms with me, right into the OR where I was introduced to the OR tech. My anesthesiologist was there a moment later ( I had met and spoken with him a little earlier) and put the IV in a NORMAL part of my arm. And something new, I did not need to have an air tube inserted. I was able to breathe on my own through my surgery, as these providers tend to like it this way in shorter surgeries to monitor how a patient is doing. I LIKED THAT. Breathing tubes only cause sore throats on top of everything else from surgery, and this time I only had dry mouth from the oxygen that was somewhere near my nose and mouth.
An hour and a half and I was done. I woke up in a curtained recovery area where I stayed for a short while, trying to get my bearings. I got dressed and sat in the chair next to the bed, sipped a little apple juice and was then treated to crackers and a raspberry popsicle. Within about and hour and a half after my surgery was complete, I was able to go home. I don't remember the ride home so much, except my husband telling me about the Farmer's Market we were passing by, but then I was stretched out on the couch where I stayed for just a few short days.
This time there were no drains to pull out, to measure, to record. I had my chest wrapped with a large ace bandage that covered the incisions, so I couldn't see much, but within just two days of surgery the ace came off and it was strictly home care from then on.
Now, four weeks later, I sit here, a better size, and healthier than I was at the beginning of this year, and I CAN'T WAIT to get out of this thing. I got spoiled not having to wear a bra after my first surgery but for the past 4 weeks I've been couped up in this thing.....UGH!
I'm reminded of how I used to feel about women I would see wondering around town or campus my first time 'round in college, and I thought...ewww, gross. Of course, I wouldn't the girls to hang so freely if I was still so large as I was just a few months ago. But NOW....I don't like the confining feeling. Maybe it's just the issue of the sports bra. I hope it's not being ungrateful for the new lease on life I have been given and the need I have to take new care of the "new girls", my foobs, but I don't think so.
So yes, I have had my final surgery, may have to go back in only for a cosmetic "retouch", but I'm done. There are times I sit here and wonder if I am going to get used to the twinges or if I am going to grow out of them. Phantom pain? Perhaps. Nerves trying to figure out what the hell has been going on? Yeah, probably. Sometimes I think maybe I would have been better without all the reconstruction, but then again, I can't imagine what it would have been like going from very large to flat in one fell swoop. Yeah, there are prosthetics, but I don't think I could handle all that for myself. I applaud women at every stage and admire the will to fight and go on and do what they do, what we do, to make life normal again. Afterall, life changed drastically with one diagnosis, and all that followed has just been a means to get back to something resembling health and familiarity of life.
Oh yeah, and the hair is growing back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
